Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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