hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
