Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
