I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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