Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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