You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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