I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
