I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
