If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
