The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
