it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
