i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
