Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we made out on top of his cat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
