normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's never too late to be topless.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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