dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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