Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
