I wish I only lived at night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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