And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
