WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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