So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
