Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
