Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
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An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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