I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
