im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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