I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
