also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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