dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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