I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
