I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
