pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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