Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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