you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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