I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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