Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
