i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
