so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
