He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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