yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
