Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
