I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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