Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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