i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
