I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
