Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
