I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
