I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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