I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
