Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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