How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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