I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize