moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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