and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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