He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
