Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
