Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
