So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
