i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
