Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
