Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
