i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
