Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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