I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
