How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
