no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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