nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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