Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
