My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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