STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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