Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
